|
The 3 point shot, bathing the kitty, beating the beaver, buffing the bead, diving for pennies, frigging, playing with your pineapple, stirring the honey pot – these are just some of the names that came up when I googled ‘masturbation’.
Have you ever seen or heard of Eve Ensler’s ‘Vagina Monologues’? It is a thrilling interview with hundreds of women on the subject of their vaginas. Ensler asks such outrageous questions as ‘if your vagina got dressed, what would it wear’?
 I realised then that Ensler had stumbled upon a great truth. Girls don’t talk about their vaginas, much less masturbation. It’s a taboo subject.
When I bring it up with female friends, even the most hardened of them giggle, or get a little flushed. If pressed, they will mumble something resembling a ‘yes’, then hastily change the topic.
After reading Ensler, I decided to get down there and have a peek at my vagina. I hadn’t done it since my school days, when a girl in PE told me that it was ‘funny’ that I didn’t have a bikini line.
I used a makeup mirror and spent some time curiously angling it so I could see all the bits that I’d never bothered to have a look at before. The result was strangely liberating. My vagina won’t win any contests, but it doesn’t look half bad. It wasn’t airbrushed, but it serves a function, and only very special people get to see it (wink, wink).
 Boys get to compare masturbation stories. They are proud about jacking off. Some of them even have competitions where they ejaculate into tissue paper boxes and record the fastest time.
When I have asked boyfriends in the past how many times they beat the monkey, they unhesitatingly reel off ‘three times a week', 'once a day' or 'whenever I feel like it’. Girls are much more inhibited. They either lie and say they don’t do it, or they talk about the weather instead.
I still don’t have much of a clue how other people masturbate. Most girls seem to stumble upon their own techniques early in life. I don’t want to sound like a biology teacher, so I will skip the part where I describe your vagina. Get a book out if you need a lesson on vaginal-part-names. 
To masturbate, first, find your clitoris. It has been widely agreed that most girls orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Once you have, start by stroking it. Some lubrication (such as KY Warming Gel), usually helps. Put a drop on your finger, think sexy thoughts, start stroking. You can also gently roll your clitoris between the fingers of one hand, while using the other to penetrate your vagina.
If you are a visual kind of person, light some candles and burn some incense. Draw the curtains. Some background music usually helps – this can vary from Mariah Carey to Fat Freddy's, depending on what gets your engine revving.
If you are a literary type, reading kinky novels may stimulate your imagination. There is a plethora of erotic literature on the internet, and even some erotic fiction in the public library or at your local bookstore, in the sealed section. 
Toys such as dildos and vibrators are also very popular. Dildos are non-motorised, whereas vibrators live up to their names, in that they go like your man never can. These days there's something to tickle everyone's pickle! The world of sex toys is constantly being upgraded and improved - click here to find out about the latest toys on the market!
Vibrators are useful not just for vaginal stimulation, but can be held up against your clitoris or your nipples for a pleasant buzz. If you are too poor to afford either, a good, detachable shower head can also do the trick. Simply turn on the shower head, settle back into the tub and enjoy. Just make sure the water isn’t too hot!!
Dvice is a good place to start for tips on which toys to use. They have stores in Auckland and Wellington, and their friendly staff often have firsthand experience of the toys they sell (try not to think about it too much when you come across some of the kinkier stuff, like expanding butt plugs).
There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to The Great Wank. Everyone does it and everyone enjoys it, so you might as well be open about it. Next time you’re at a party, when everyone is slightly tipsy, don’t hold back on the subject of masturbation. Who knows? You could learn something new to try at home.
.jpg)
|
